Moving Memories.

This weekend has been a long and revealing one, with dashes of hilarity thrown into the mix too!

I returned home for my mothers birthday celebrations, but also knowing it would be the last time I spent time in the house I spent my formative years living in.
The house itself has no 'happy' memories. No real life I suppose. Yes, I had my 16th birthday party there and vomited in the gutter, yes I spent many nights stalking the stairs with friends sneaking to the kitchen for midnight snacks. There have been moments rather than memories.

I found myself sitting on the sofa on Friday afternoon, staring at the wall. Not looking at anything. In my head I was looking at images I had stored. Times when I was punched, times when I was crying hysterically over something ridiculous. Or the time, I shut the door behind me when I ran away for a small while to my Grandparents house. Not one happy memory sprung to my mind.
It was then I was brought back down to earth when I thought of some laughter, some proper laughter. Then I spent time thinking about how I have changed since I moved there. I have grown up there, I have become me there.

In a way, I wont miss that house. That is where my life changed, that is where I found out. It was the worst day and subsequent months of my life. I sit in the dining room and look where I fell because my legs stopped working. They couldn't handle the weight of the grief I had. I look and I hear screams, I hear the piercing scream of realisation and think it can only be a good thing that it wont be my home anymore. But am I putting too much on the house and less on me? Is it a case of transference on my part. Maybe. But, this has worked in other areas of my life. I know that I wont forget the moment, but it has to help not being in the same environment as I was. Surely?

When I left on Sunday afternoon, I paused and reflected. Looking up I saw my old bedroom, and laughter filled my ears as my eyes pricked with tears. Not sad tears. Happy ones. For my family, its a move away from hell, into the light and into a new chapter.
I will join them but with less of the anger and sadness I carry.

So, you can move memories. Good ones. And I think you can leave old ones behind. I hope.